And a pleasant Wednesday to you and yours.
So what has it been? Since last Wednesday? Woo-howdy, I need to get on top of this shit. So much hath transpired since then...
First off: I'm well aware that I have yet to say but two words about the current crop of gals on the 11th glorious season of America's Next Top Model... but rest assured, my requisite blog appointing all the girls' doppelgangers is well under way... I typically wait for the makeovers before I cast any judgement...
Secondly: Thursday I got a call out of the blue that I was to come in and showcase at Yuks for a corporate client. Showcases are to comics what go-see's are to Top Models, y'see... Anyballs, guess who the client was? A lesbian softball association. Yep. With orders to keep it as inoffensive as possible and lesbo-sensitive. Yeah. Suffice to say, I didn't get the gig. I knew I should have busted out of my A League of Their Own material (which, by the way, I have an unsurprising abundance of...)
B'aaanyway, I spent the weekend drunk out of my skull, just like old times, which was nice.
Saturday night saw the birthday of Alex "Faith" Brown (named "Faith" after the now infamous armless canine who's captured the hearts of millions... :
... weird.) for which we were supposed to depart to at 11 PM. Then someone threw out the suggestion that we "just watch the first sketch" of SNL's season premiere. Yeah. That never happens. We ended up watching the whole fucking thing.
So yeah... on the whole, not great. They are going to be BEYOND screwed when Amy Poehler leaves in a few short weeks. BEYOND screwed. Casey Wilson, as lovely as she seems, isn't working. It's not going to happen. Put her out to pasture in a supporting role on a spin-off of The Office or something, but get her out of there.
That new fat guy could go either way. I'm going to reserve judgement of him until precisely the third episode, as I didn't necessarily "get" Fred Armisen right away either... little did I know he'd grow into Nicholas Fehn and of course, Nuni of "Nuni & Nuni" fame. If you don't know what I'm talking about right now, you probably think I'm a.) boring and b.) crazy. Which is quite a commendable combination of things to be, not gonna lie.
Anyballs... Andy Samberg ruled my fucking life with his impression of Cathy of Cathy Guisewite's Cathy comic strip fame... And to think... Cathy was the Carrie Brandshaw of her day back in the late 70's... WAKE ME UP WHEN I'M A SIZE 5!!! Ladies... am I right?
However, that Jar Glove thing made me lose it.
Kristen Wiig - thank God for you.
And of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the thing that everyone's been talking about... Tina Fey's triumphant return as Sarah Palin...
Yep... probably the most must-see [live] thing to come out of that show since the infamous Debbie Downer giggle-fest of aught-Four... it's been EVERYWHERE recently.
Poehler and Fey, together again - already a dream scenario - channelling Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton - another dream scenario - talkin' sexism.
If you were Hilary Clinton, I think one of your absolute saving graces must be when Amy Poehler does you. Because not only does Amy Poehler cause things to be awesome simply by association, but because each and every time she spoofs Hilary, very prevalent issues are brought to light and things are said that Hilary could neither bring to light nor say herself without being completely vilified by the press. Like, if you were to be watching it with Hilary, it must just be 5 straight minutes of her yelling at the TV, "THANK YOU! See?! SEE?! Oh, TOTALLY! YES! Oh my God, ME TOO! I know!"
It's so astoundingly true that the issue of sexism isn't factoring into anyone's treatment of Palin, and it's largely because Hilary made 15,000,000 cracks in that ceiling. Kind of unfair that all Palin had to do was peck at it with the duress of a baby duck cracking through its egg shell to shatter that ceiling and all of a sudden, be taken seriously.
Of course, another reason that sexism isn't playing a huge role in persecuting Sarah Palin, could be that the bitch has done more than enough ass-crazy shit to easily overshadow that.
DID YOU KNOW: Sarah Palin forced rape victims to pay for their own exams.
Yes. Under Sarah Palin, rape victims - or, rather, rape-ee's, if you will - had to buy their own "rape kits" - or, rather, rapeables, if you will - to collect the necessary evidence to convict their offenders.
Of course, this begs the obvious: I guess somebody's never been raped. Because from what I've heard, it's not a terribly pleasant experience, and usually, people who have been raped don't like to be reminded of this fact. I can't imagine running price comparisons and checking customer referrals on different brands of "rape kits" is at the top of anyone's list of things they love to do.
On the other hand, maybe Sarah Palin's totes been raped, and just thinks "ahhh, what's good for the goose is good for the gander".
But probably not.
Naturally, given the fact that Palin is also against abortion in cases of rape and/or incest, this basically means: SARAH PALIN DOES NOT BELIEVE IN RAPE. Or dinosaurs.
So that's all very grim and depressing, isn't it?
But... in lighter Palin-related news, this thing is mayhaps the greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator!
Taking a cue from the zany names of Sarah Palin's children (Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper), this highly scientific device generates what your name would be if you were blessed enough to be born of Sarah Palin...
What's yours?! Mine is: Lock Pepper Palin.
Well not really.
It's terribly depressing to think that this woman might soon be leader of the free world (because make no mistake about it... John McCain will die. Like, 2 days after whomever's elected gets elected. He will. He'll fall down in the shower or something, but he will.)
Anyway, no matter how terrible things get, always remember - at least your arms aren't as fat as Jordin Sparks'.
PS - Slight photoshopographic exaggeration. Only slight, though.