Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Andrew Johnston Looks At The News

Today: An article of interest...

1.) Strip-Search Case Victim Awarded $6.1 Million

Have y'all heard about this? Because I sure as fuck didn't. I need to start watching news magazine shows more... Anyballs... this shit just blew me over six ways to Sunday when I read it...

The scene: All-American girl next door Louise Ogborn is picking up some extra shifts at a Kentuckian McDonalds one faithful evening back in 2004. The timid, optimistic, virginal 18 year-old was just trying to do her part for her family - whose matriarch had fallen ill and lost her job.

T'was the middle of the dinner rush - and WHAT a rush! Out of nowhere, Louise is summoned into the back room by the shift supervisor, whose name is - and I shit you not - Donna Summer. Yes, Donna Summer. Not the Donna Summer, mind you. But a Donna Summer just the same. Donna Summer.

Shift supervisor Donna Summer says that she's on the phone with a police officer who claimed to be on the other line with the store manager. Apparently someone matching Louise's description - pretty, teenage girl in a McDonalds uniform - had stolen a purse from a customer, and by Donna Summer's estimation, Louise was the only one who that could be. Again, not reigning queen of disco Donna Summer, but rather a McDonalds shift supervisor in Mount Washington, Kentucky ALSO by the name of Donna Summer.

Pressing on: What happened next could easily be described as a nightmare. A hysterically upset Louise begged and pleaded, insisting that she hadn't done this and had no idea what they were talking about, and was given a choice: submit to a guided strip search in the store or receive a police escort out of there. I guess she found it 'less of an incident' to go through with the strip search. Alongside Donna Summer's urging that they both follow the orders, Louise was ordered to strip completely naked except for her soiled McDonalds apron. Yeah. This is just making all kinds of sense already.

Being a busy dinner rush, Donna Summer needs to go and check on the store, but the 'authorities' forbid her to leave naked-save-for-an-apron Louise alone. So D-Sum gets some random dude who makes Filets o' Fish to watch her. He storms out of there in bewilderment and disgust. In his place - and oh my God I can't even believe this happened - the """police officer""" told Donna to CALL HER FIANCE and have HIM come and watch Louise.

Within 15 minutes, Donna Summer's fiance, a man named Walter Nix arrives. Again, if you're just tuning in, this is not THE Donna Summer of dancefloor classics such as "Hot Stuff", "Bad Girls" and/or "MacArthur Park", nor her husband Bruce Sudano that I'm speaking of, but another Donna Summer whose fiance's name is Walter Nix. He's 43 and in the extermination business (read: a fucking catch).

At this point, I find it necessary to point out that Donna Summer honestly believes she's simply following instructions and that there is nothing out of the ordinary about this. Okay? Are we clear on this? Because this is where the story starts to get really ridiculous/horrifying.

Now under the watchful eye and persuasive hand of Walter Nix, Louise is ordered to remove her apron - rendering her now completely nude - stand on a chair, and bend over. For what purpose exactly? I don't know, I guess to prove that the missing purse isn't up her asshole.

Then - and this is just about too much - she's instructed to do jumping jacks. Yes. JUMPING JACKS. To "shake anything loose that she might be hiding". Save for a cigarette lighter and half a roll of Tums, nothing falls out. Kidding, kidding. Nothing fell out, obviously. Upon receiving that order, this is where anyone with half a brain would anticipate Ashton Kutcher jumping out of the broom closet saying "you've been very distastefully punk'd". Like COME ON - JUMPING JACKS?!? To shake things loose? Wow.

This gets so much more reprehensibly worse... When she doesn't refer to Walter Nix as 'sir', the police officer orders Nix to take her over his knee and SPANK HER. What's worse? This was all caught on surveillance video and one spanking session alone reportedly went on for 10 FULL FUCKING MINUTES! Yeah. Wow.

Donna Summer kept floating in and out of the back room to check on the action and each time Walter Nix would throw the apron at Louise telling her that she better be quiet. Hmmm. Louise allegedly pleads with Donna Summer to call the police, with Donna responding that she's still awaiting their arrival. This torture at the hands of Walter Nix culminates some three hours later with the 'police officer' ordering Louise to perform a sexual act on Nix. Yeah. Is this still the protocol of interrogation in the American Police system? I smell a rat...

Following this real-life torture-porno, the police officer instructs Donna Summer to bring in someone else - and in keeping with the long line of dead sexy predators, she chooses a 58-year old maintenance worker who refuses to go along with any of the strange demands. Walter Nix gets a little red in the face.

Redder in the face? Donna Summer. To find out that her 1985 album "The Wanderer" was neither a hit with critics or with fans... whoops wrong Donna Summer. Sorry. Okay - Donna Summer THE SUPERVISOR calls store manager Lisa Siddons who the 'police officer' claimed was on the phone the entire time. Yeah, bitch was totally sleeping and all "WTF?" That's when Donna Summer gets a hunch that this entire thing was a HOAX! That's right - a SHAM! A SNOW JOB! FLIMFLAM! A GOOD-OLD-FASHIONED COCK & BULL STORY! Yowwwzers!

So who's to account for this gruesome and sexually destructive game of Simon Says? Through elaborately tracing the use of a single calling card, cops later come to identify him as 38-year-old David Stewart. Not David Stewart, the male half of 80's supergroup The Eurhythmics, but David Stewart, a corrections officer from Panama City, Florida. ANNND this was hardly his first call. Apparently there were incidents exactly like this one stretching as far back as a decade. Jeepers effin' creepers.

What was David Stewart's motivation? To what? Form The Eurhythmics? Probably a vision for a new way to make music and it didn't hurt that Annie Lennox could sing like a bird and was easy on the eyes. What was the other, criminal David Stewart's motivation? A psychologist in the article sites "virtual voyeurism" to feed a "god complex"... he goes on to say that fast food restaurants were an easy target because everything is 'by the book', this is how it's served, this is cleanup procedure, etc... and that once you get them away from the 'manual', they don't have a clue...

There was never enough evidence to convict David Stewart of the crimes, and he was found not guilty. However, no more such incidents have been reported to have happened. Hmmm...

Anyway, Walter Nix, a genuine sexual predator as far as I'm concerned, was sentenced to 5 years for a whack of sex crimes. He pleaded guilty but asserted that he was following orders. Yeah... someone really had gun to your head in order for you to administer a 10-minute long spanking session, sodomize, imprison and humiliate an 18-year girl for three hours. Hmmm... Methinks the whole evening a real 'happy accident' from Nix's perspective...

Suffice to say, Donna Summer was fired after the incident. She was charged with basically everything that Nix was, save for the sex crimes, and entered an Alford plea in that she doesn't admit that she's guilty, per se, but that what she was 'tricked' into doing is worthy of conviction.

My verdict is that this woman is as retarded as bowl of cold gumbo. Jesus in heaven! WHO DOES THAT?!

Anyway... in the end over 6 million was well-deservedly given to Louise Ogborn's family. McDonalds' restaurants was found liable of not warning employees that such a hoax had been occurring for night on 10 years. Try as they might to deflect responsibility - for real... they had a psychologist testify and try to persuade the jury that Louise Ogborn had "grown in some way from the experience"... WOW! - those grease-slingin' motherfuckers had to pay.

Anyway. That's pretty much it for today.

Da-da-da-da-da, I'm lovin' it,
--- Aj