Friday, March 28, 2008

That [severely belated] America's Next Top Model Doppelgangers Blog!

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy muggles...

Sorry for the absence yesterday. Batshit insanity in the busy-ness department.

First off - thanks so much for everyone who mentioned that the incomparable Sarah Silverman also has a smouldering penchant for BabyBel cheese, one that she spoke about in this clip from when she hosted the Independent Spirit awards...

I totally saw that ages ago. There's very little out there that Miss Silverman has done that I haven't seen multiple times and studied...

Second off - CHIKEZIE'S GONE. Ha. Just like I'd predicted. I know I didn't actually call anything beyond him being in the bottom 3 per se, but that's what I actually predicted - I thought I'd put a hex on the whole thing if I actually committed it to writing. So my plan worked perfectly... muahaha...

Someone else who's plan worked perfectly was Kristy Lee motherfucking Cook. That patriot porn she served up did the trick. It's also cursed me with having Lee Greenwood's "God Bless The USA" in my head somethin' fierce. My bosses were like "why the fuck are you singing Lee Greenwood's 'God Bless The USA', asshole?" and I was all "BECAUSE I'M ILL!"... It's fucked up...

Thirdly - Some of you have been downright mystified about why I have remained so mum about commenting on this current season of America's Next Top Model. And to you I say - m'I dunno. I guess it's just not the hot button thing that it used to be, in my eyes. I still enjoy it immensely - don't get it twisted, to quote Cycle 5's downright fugly chick with a winning personality, Ebony.

So, to those of you needing to be thrown an ANTM bone, here's sumpthin' for ya...

A few seasons ago I noticed that an exorbitant amount of the girls in said season were downright doppelgangers of celebrities of the then-moment. This season, I'm noticing it as well.

So, here's my assessment of the current crop of America's Next Top Model hopefuls and their celebrity doppelgangers...

Newly-minted bitch Claire and Ashley Judd...



Prodigious punk-rock misfit Lauren and Canadian treasure Sarah Polley...

Recently-ousted mega-bitch who used to be A.) anorexic and B.) allegedly big in Japan Allison and Alyssa "Samantha Micelli" Milano...

Even more recently-ousted girl next door Prudence McPrude Aimee and tweenage It-girl Miley Cyrus...

Plus-sized stunner Whitney and recovering-alcoholic Queen of Country Music, Wynonna...

Ghostly, weird accent-bearing Anya and Tilda Swinton as the Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia...

Mail-order bride-chic Katarzcyna and pouty weirdo Jonathan Rhys Meyers...

A two-parter:

Vaginally circumsized Somalian beauty Fatima as A.) Iman, obviously...

and B.) He-man ubervillain, Skeletor...

Squeaky-voiced oddball Stacy-Ann and mischievous cartoon fowl, Tweety Bird...

Lonesome ghetto-rat Marvita and Disney's premiere barnyard ingenue, Clarabelle Cow...

Batshit-nuts Amis and flamboyant funnyman, Jim J. Bullock...

And, another toss-up...

Haggard super-bitch Dominique and A.) Wilson Jermaine Heredia as Angel in Rent...

and B.) a catcher's mit...

That's all.

Have a blessid weekend.

See you soon...

... WITH BIG NEWS!

--- Aj