Monday, April 28, 2008

Haute Topics


Kind of an eventful couple of days since last I blogg'd...

To recap:

1.) Carly got the boot on Idol. I know - shock and awe. I was super pissed. I'm currently performing unspeakably horrific acts on a makeshift Brooke White Voodoo Doll I've fashioned out of a corn-cob, a pair of googly eyes and a Brillo pad.

Oh well. The saddest thing is that it is over for Carly. OVER. Like, expect to see her listed as a 'faculty member' alongside Paris Bennett, Gina Glocksen and George Huff at Idol Camp. So sad... so, so sad... not even the most gorgeous of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling could cheer me up right now...

2.) Lest there be an iota of doubt lingering in y'mind, Mariah Carey is crazy. Yet regal. She was on Good Morning America show last week and her sound fucked up somethin' fierce. I guess her track started out of synch with her music or something - all I know is that catastrophe ensued...

Of course the out-and-out highlight of that was Mariah singing "Stop singin' my part now baby" to one of her background singers. I can't EVEN tell you how much I would have paid to be a fly on the wall for the absolute chaos that Mariah reeked after that... for realsies, I'll bet one or more people died.

Then Mimi proceeded to royally sass Diane Sawyer when she reintroduced her for her next single, "Bye Bye"...

OH SNAP! OLDER LADY FIGHT!!! "Are you going to give me some indication as to when we begin?" "Here's your queue... Bye Bye! Bye Bye." Holy shit... Had they been given access to a wrestling ring at the ultra-glamorous Las Vegas Riviera sometime in the late 80's/early 90's, and the management of either Aunt Kitty or Jackie Stallone, they surely would have engaged in a smackdown so brutal it would make this classic bout betwixt G.L.O.W. staples Attache and Tammy Jones look like a walk in the park.

Yes. I'm still thoroughly obsessed with The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. Deal with it.

3.) Miley Cyrus needs to fuck off. In fact, the entire Cyrus machine needs to fuck off. Hot hot hot button issue of sorts: Miley Cyrus posed for an 'arty' Vanity Fair layout shot by renowned photographix Annie Leibovitz that resulted in a 'topless' shot that's causing all sorts of stir.

I wouldn't really call that topless... unless you cum in y'pants over bare shoulders (and if y'do, God love ya), I don't really see what the HUGE FUCKING DEAL that everyone's making about it is, but whatevs. I'm kinda with the majority of people who find that picture of her wearin' the hip-huggers nestled in her father - Billy Ray Cyrus's - crotch a bit more disturbing... but that's just me.

Anyway - an uproar resulted from her mostly tween-slinging, mostly-Middle-American fan base and a desperate apology was released immediately, claiming that Miley was "manipulated" by Leibovitz and Vanity Fair and she was "embarrassed" by this. Vanity Fair begs to differ: apparently Miley's handlers from Disney and parents were on set for the entire she-bang and gave approval to each and every frame.

This is all bullshit. It is all a good old fashioned case of a good old fashioned Prosti-Tot wanting to look and act like the older kids... unfortunately, it's not conducive to her image - the very image that's made her the 900 billion or so dollars that she's worth - so it's time to backpedal at the speed of light. It was a retarded, hypocritical, self-indulgent move on her part and that's all there is to it.

4.) The TTC can mow down on my taint.

For those of you in the glorious berg of Toronto this past weekend, you would have noticed that there was an impromptu strike by the Toronto Transit Commission, or TTC. Which means that the city was virtually paralyzed over the weekend.

I had absolutely no idea that this shit was going to go down, so imagine my surprise Friday night to find nary a streetcar in sight to carry me home from wherever the fuck I was hanging out on Queen West. 25 fucking dollars later, I'm home.

Apparently this strike was over siding with maintenance workers, who were seeing work meant for them contracted out to the original manufacturer of the buses or some shit. By Sunday evening they were forced back to work by legislature or something, but their mouthpiece - Bob "God Complex" Kinnear - insists that they're still decidedly unhappy. What's more, they're not appreciating the hostility from passengers who are unhappy that they're striking (for real... this was an actual statement issued...)

Here's my take on it: YOU DRIVE A FUCKING BUS ALL DAY AND MAKE OFF LIKE VIKINGS (with benefits).

I swear to fuck, you motherfuckers all need a swift kick in the box. Does it not occur to your that teacher's make less than you, face the exact same dangers and work about 9 times harder? Or nurses? Or cab drivers - the cab driver I had on Friday night said he was punched in the back of the head the very previous week... anyway - bottom line... we all have unpleasantness we need to deal with on the job. So either start racially profiling passengers of suck it the fuck up!

Monday morning, I went up to the first TTC attendant I could find - a woman working at Broadview station - and asked her how I could apply to the TTC. Because I'd really love a job that I could just pick and choose to come into.

Anyway... I'm hoping it becomes an essential service because A.) IT IS and B.) It'll finally stick a cork in the constant shitstorm they're serving us indefinitely. That'd be sweet.


--- Aj