Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Ho-Hum.

Hey muggles...

Sorry about the no bloggage yesterday - it was kind of a big day. Kind of.

Last night I hosted the 2007 Tim Sims Encouragement Fund Nominee showcase. There's the poster to the left, to the left. And no, the one face that could have moved tickets - MINE - was not originally on it. So, I remedied that. Too little, too late, m'fraid...

No. I'm kidding. They did just fine - the shit was rollickingly sold out, as per usual... filled to the brim with each nominee's respective supporters, nay-sayers and everything in betwixt...

As you can see, this years crop of nominees is an all-male bunch... I guess it was an effort to counter the Vaginapalooza that last year was - am I right? am I right?

Anyway - terrific group of guys who seem to have genuine camaraderie with each other... which is again, so different than the 24/7 cat fight that last year was. Again... kidding... or am I? No... it was just really chill last year... Desiree just kind of did her thing... Nathan, his... Rebecca stressed over her plethora of tech queues... the Roses hummed their optimum pitch in opposing harmonies... and I guzzled back wine and swore a lot... these guys were very different - chumming around fancifully. Really.

I didn't know how fresh in m'memory HOW FUCKING NERVOUS I was last year would be... but it was fresh a daisy. Y'all, I was nervous last year. It was effin peanuts this year - PEANUTS. Well, not quite - I had 8 million points of information to give out in my 'opening monologue'... I basically did 8 new minutes of time about the Tim Sims Encouragement Fund that I wrote from scratch that day. It almost killed me. And it was executed far from seamlessly.

I tried, and succeeded in some capacity, to weave this American Idol comparison to the process of Tim Sims Encouragement Fund... which I will still maintain to my death bed was APT! I then went into this long bit about how it's tradition that they get the unofficial runner up to host the nominee showcase each year, and went through every single pairing of winner and runner up of American Idol, comparing them to myself and Nathan Fielder...


It's like I was sexy, beat-boxin' wigger Blake Lewis... to Nathan's stately, Melato songstress Jordin Sparks...

It's like I was sultry, bulimic chanteuse Katherine McPhee... to Nathan's silver-haired Soul Patrol captain Taylor Hicks...

It's like I was whiskey-slingin' classic rock star Bo Bice, to Nathan's robotic rodeo princess Carrie Underwood...

It's like I was peppy teen queen Diana DeGarmo, to Nathan's gospel-tinged illiterate single mother Fantastia Barrino...

And perhaps in the most telling American Idol-related comparison I can make between Nathan Fielder and myself...

It's like I was smarmy, homosexual balladeer Clay Aiken, to Nathan's morbidly obese velvet teddy bear Ruben Studdard.

Yeah. There was this one woman in the front who SO fucking into that bit. Like, this woman knew her American Idol and I was pounding away at her comedy and pop-cultural G-Spot.

Not enjoying that bit? Nathan Fielder! Well... it's not that he wasn't enjoying it, per se... he wasn't there - MOTHAFUCKER WASN'T EVEN THERE AND I DID A CUSTOM BIT ABOUT THE BITCH! Apparently he's on This Hour Has 22 Minutes, which films out in Halifax... so he's excused... but still... *shakes fist*...

Anyballs... the show went great! I purposely didn't watch anyone's set so I wouldn't be able to judge them and give emphasis or favour to anyone in particular... well, that and my head's just generally up my ass and you'd be amazed at how easily I can kill time admirin' m'own reflection in the looking glass. But yes - everyone got laughs in my estimation, so it's anyone's guess who'll take the crown.

Well, that's bullshit. Of course I have an opinion, but this is hardly a forum I can be candid in - a fact that was tidily reinforced to me this weekend when I was confronted by two people who work on Project Runway Canada regarding my blog proclaiming it to 'suck'.

Anyway - on m'way out, I ran into the one and only Debra DiGiovanni who was fresh off the heels of a visit to LA and a stint at the LA Comedy Festival - which I'm also doing, and heading down to on Sunday. She said it blew. Hard. 20 people there her first night. 11 people the second. Including, apparently, the booker from Jimmy Kimmel.

Wow. Yeah. If I could cancel m'ticket now, I would. But I can't. So I won't. Blah. What with the bush fire currently toppling Malibu and San Diego, and the impending writer's strike set for the 31st, it looks like high season to be going down to LA... cherry on top of this being a good-old-fashioned hell-gig to go to.
Anyway... that's about it... it's really overcast here and I've been reading Rosie O'Donnell's blog all day, so I'm a bit depressed. Sorry for that.

Ta!
--- Aj