Monday, April 07, 2008

Bitches Loved, Bitches Hated/That Rojo Caliente Blog

Okay, okay, 0kay...

Too much excitement today.

Entirely too much excitement - how excited and full of zeal am I? Almost if not as much as Sue, the woman who really loves surprise parties:

Holy fuck how fucking hilarious was that? I watched it drunk out ma skull when I got in from Primpin' (*sigh*... I know) Saturday night and lay upon m'couch a'heaving and a'crying for the duration of the sktech - a sight unseen since the great Debbie Downer debacle of '04.

Best line?

Walken: "Should I get balloons?-"

Anyballs - why o why am I so excited today? Because I have two absolutely dyn-o-mite bitches occupying Bitch I Loved and Hated this week...

They're both far more similar than they are different; they both suffer, to my utter glee, from "The Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome... in that they just have noooo clue... noooooo clue whatsofuckingever...



Who: [The long and short of it] Septuagenarian corset-enthusiast who, at 15 inches, holds the Guinness World Record for the smallest waist.
Why I Loved Her: So many reasons... A.) Talk about discipline: She's spent the last nigh-on 50 years squeezing her hot ass into corsets until her rib cage finally retreated and caved in to her outlandish small-waisted demands, B.) She's unbelievably vain and completely unaware of how fucking grotesque she is, a fact handsomely evidenced by the countless galleries on her website (warning: sexiness overdrive therein)... but mainly C.) she's given me oh-so-much ammunition for my photoshopping... no one's safe... particularly, Anthony Suppa... who's face just glides onto Cathie's with the greatest of ease...



Who: Oh Jesus. First-year student at Queen's University (my alma matter... and I can tell ya right now, I've never been more proud to have attended Queen's than presently) who - according to legend - received a million dollars for her bat mitzvah, took the money, recorded a hopelessly terrible Reggaeton single entitled "Rojo Caliente" (loosely translated: 'red hot') and an accompanying music video which was equally hopeless and terrible, which features Reggaeton 'legend' Toby King (who, it seems, must have been working for a handful of plantains and a bar of soap, because I have to imagine bitch was pretty hard up to take part in this shit)... seen below:

Why I Hated Her This Week: Oh wow. Okay. As soon as I found out that she was a student at Queen's, it all became crystalline clear... I can't tell you how many bitches I went to school with looked EXACTLY like her. And they were all art history majors who received hundreds of thousands of dollars for their bat mitzvahs. Only thing is, none of them were fucking retarded enough to spend it on making a fucking music video! HOLY FUCK?! THIS IS NUTS!

Anyway... I'm kind of obsessed with this bitch... sorry Kristy Lee Cook, you've just taken a back seat as far as my obsession with utterly tragic bitches-du jour go...

Further research has relayed that apparently the song is kind of a hit in Panama City - the birthplace of Reggaeton - being played up to and including (but not limited to) 10 times a day on all 6 major radio stations in Panama.

Although there's no official CD released nor have any profits been made (*YET*), her manager/father Doug Taylor says that they've made some money off of endorsements... specifically: Delida's Hot Sauce, a sauce featured prominently throughout the video.

Meagan insists that there's a very simple reason that Delida's beat out larger companies like Tabasco (that was no doubt champing at the bit to be a part of the sensation that is Meagan Taylor) because, and I quote, "I love hot sauce, and Delidas is one of the best I've tasted".

According to an interview with Queen's student-run television program QTV (which is now youtube-broadcasted... back in the bad old days when yours truly was there, it was designated to the Sunday, 10 PM slot on the Kingston public access channel... times, they are a'changin'...) she insists that Rojo Caliente is a feminist anthem against conformity a-la Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" or mayhaps, Patti Smith's "People Have The Power"...
"I wrote the song about my red hair which is what rojo hot....I
never used to like having red hair. I felt different and like I always wanted
brown hair or blonde hair or something. For me it was a celebration of my red
hair and to me that's important. It's a celebration of differences."

Am I missing something? Is this actually a ginger-haired anthem? Because I'm hearing lyrics like "Up in the club in da VIP, that's rojo caliente". Methinks she overestimates the depth of her song-writing prowess. Fuck, methinks that's the least of her gross, gross delusions.

Anyway... I'm fucking obsessed with Meagan Taylor and that's all there is to it. Like, if she was at Queen's when I was, I'd stalk her. She must be just the toast of the town in Kingston right now. The sad part is that the powers that be at Queen's are probably ELATED to no ends with the publicity that this is garnering them - they totally haven't seen the video or know what the fuck is going on, but they're probably like "we have a rap musical star in attendance at Queen's! Jolly good!".

Bah... anyway...

What else is rojo caliente???




--- Aj