Friday, September 21, 2007

Sex & The City: The Movie: The Blog

Well Wowzers McGee everybody!

It's Friday and I'm no longer feeling like death. Hooray! I'm by no means back to m'usual piss & vinegar-filled self, but by no means the walking Nyquill commercial I've been for the past three days. So yay for that.

Yay for what else? THIS!

Yes... some of the first on-set photos from the upcoming "Sex & The City" movie!!!

How excited are you?! I'm so very happy that them S&TC broads worked out their differences before this project became embarassingly late... I mean, yeah, it's a little after the fact but not so after the fact that they'ze the Golden Girls... the show that I've always maintained - SINCE DAY MOTHERFUCKING 1 - was the sequel, prequel and equal to S&TC.

Anyway... as the shot to the left, to the left clearly makes evident, Charlotte indeed gets pregnant. Some consider this a spoiler but I always knew it was in the cards. As an avid watcher of The View, I can remember Kristin Davis guesting shortly after S&TC ended to promote, I don't know, "The Shaggy Dog" movie or some bullshit, and of course S&TC came up. They spoke about their disappointment in that Charlotte never got pregnant before the series ended and she let it slip that in the then-proposed movie script, Harry & Charlotte go to China to get their Chinababy and she discovers that she's pregnant. SO BAM. I knew it was coming.

It's confirmed that besides all the ladies, Chris Noth will reprise his role of Mr. Big, the delicious Jason Lewis will be back as Smith, the Jewtastic Evan Handler will be back as Harry Goldenblatt, and David Eigenberg will be once again stepping into Steve's sensible loafers. Of particular interest, one Miss Jennifer Hudson will be joining the crew as Carrie's assistant, Louise - which is terribly exciting! Details are pretty scant about who else might appear, and considering the wealth of characters S&TC saw come and go, it's anyone's guess who might show up!

So, in anticipation for the Sex & The City Movie and because it's Friday and that's a day I usually reserve for countdowns... Here's my Top 10 Bit Characters from Sex & The City I hope make appearances in the film!!!


WHO:From the "Frenemies" episode. After Samantha fucks Charlotte's brother and Charlotte goes all prudy on her ass, Samantha psychologically retaliates by finding sluttier company in vacationing Southern Belle/scarf connoisseur Claire-Anne. That is, until Claire-Anne out-sluts Samantha by ravenously gobbling on some dude's cock in the middle of the restaurant whilst they're on a double date.
ODDS OF RETURN: I won't hold my breath. 80-1.


WHO: Too close to call. From "Hot Child In The City" and "Cock-A-Doodle Doo", respectively. Jenny Briar (played by Kat Dennings, who you've probably seen in those previews for that movie "Charlie Bartlett" and been like "who is that teen actress and why do I find her so slutty?"... there's your answer) was a filthy rich and richly filthy JAP-y teen who wanted Samantha to do the PR for her bat mitzvah. Her and her skanky teenage entourage and their overprivelaged, cum dumpster-y ways made Samantha feel secure in the fact that she had a childhood. The loud Tranny Whores (played by, fuck, I don't know, I'd have to imagine real Tranny whores) claimed their turf right outside of Samantha's window in the Meat Packing District (tragic irony), and after several heated arguements and the throwing of things, learned to co-exist both peacefully and fabulously.
ODDS OF RETURN: Tranny Whores - 100-1. I'm sure in reality they've been murdered/married off and living a lovely life in suburban New Jersey by now. Jenny Briar - 20-2. She's all grown up now and in all liklihood has risen to the near-top of the New York Gorss-cialite world. It could happen.


WHO: From the episode "One", the performance artist who's going without sleep, food, bathing or speaking for an amount of time that escapes me right now and the catalyst for Carrie meeting Alexandr Petrovsky.
ODDS OF RETURN: 40-1. It would be a clever callback in some sort of frantic search/chase scene to have someone run into a museum looking for someone and that bitch is still there. I'd appreciate it. Or not... meh...


WHO: Played by the incomparable Candy Bergen and appearing in a slew of episodes, Enid was Carrie's editrix at "Vogue" - clearly not portraying the Anna Wintour figure as Anna Wintour herself was made mention of in an episode - Enid's perhaps-most memorable line? From "Plus One Is The Lonliest Number"... when Enid sees her pseudo-boyfriend at the party, she's heard to remark "I am so angry right now." A delightful callback to what Samantha is told she'd have to say to substitute for visible emotion after getting botox.
ODDS OF RETURN: 15-1. We'll see if they can pony up with the Candy Bergen dollars.


WHO: Charlotte's ex-mother-in-law and for all intensive purposes the Newman to Charlotte's Seinfeld, Bunny was a deeeeelightful foil! Played to perfection by Frances "I Can't Believe She's Still Alive!" Sterhagen, Bunny represented all that I hope to be true about archaic New York socialites! Well, mainly that they have ridiculous names like Bunny. Does anyone remember that episode where Bunny's telling Charlotte that her chrysanthemums are sure to beat Waxy O'Hanahan's this season in the annual Hampton's flower-off or some shit? "Waxy O'Hanahan"? AMAZING! Why the fuck couldn't I have been born a 75-year-old lady of leisure???
ODDS OF RETURN: 10-2. If Charlotte needs an antagonist, Bunny's as good as it gets.


WHO/WHAT: [See above]
ODDS OF RETURNING: 1,000,000-1. I think they were put in a compost heap after the scene was shot.


WHO: Miranda's housekeeper. Who the fuck doesn't love Magda? She's awesome. From the first time we meet her arranging condoms on a platter next to Miranda's bed to the finale, Magda went on to act as a surrogate mother-figure to Miranda and grandmama to Brady. TRY to not shed a tear in the finale when she walks into the kitchen, and responding to Miranda chasing after and cleaning up Steve's ill mother Mary, says "What you did today. That is love." One of my favourite moments in the series...
ODDS OF RETURN: 1-1. I'd have to imagine that if there's a scene at Cassa Miranda, Magda will be present.


WHO: Another reason I wish I was an aged New York socialite, Bitsy married superfag Bobby Fine (fagged up by Nathan Lane) in the episode "I Love A Charade" and came back very pregnant to taunt Charlotte in a later episode. Played by Broadway veteran Julie Halston, Bitsy was magnificently contrived and sorely underused. Like for real... I don't understand why Bitsy couldn't have been in at least every second episode. Shit.
ODDS OF RETURN: 8-2. She's a great exposition character. Something tells me they'll cross paths with Bitsy.


WHO: Carrie's publishers who committed her columns to book. Yeah, to the surprise of no one they're two of my favourite S&TC characters of all time - they're played by two of my all-time personal goddesses, Amy Sedaris and Molly Shannon, respecitively. Standout moment: "The Big Journey": Lily (Molly Shannon) upon receiving Carrie's complaint that she has to share her book tour with a canine internet personality: "[Incredibly dispairaged] What can I say Carrie... they totally fucked me on this! [Sees someone across the room, immediately changes tone] HEY! I'll be right back."
ODDS OF RETURN: 35-1. I can't really see the use for them at this point.


WHO: Oh hell to the YES mothafuckaz. "CARRIE FUCKING BRADSHAW! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?" Faded socialite-cum-party crasher who meets her untimely demise in the uncharacteristically dark episode "Splat!". Kirsten Johnston (sadly, no relation) was ass-rockingly brilliant in this turn. It pains me that we never saw more of this character, really. Mainly because I love people who casually swear and have no idea that they're being inappropriate.
ODDS OF RETURN: 99-1. Pending a flashback, yeah, she died. So no.







WHO: Carrie's acquaintance from "The Awful Truth" with a borderline-abusive husband who she splits with, then with the help of Charlotte's first pooch Henry stepping in as the whipping boy, gets back together with him. There are so many reasons why I love Susan Sharon (played by Molly Price... pictured above in a promo shot for "The Bionic Women", the new series in which she stars, and some event photo where she looks sort-of Susan Sharon-ish)... Because she couldn't catch a break... Because I'm a sucker for the loud, bumbling Jewess archetype... But mainly because bitch has two first names for a name! YES! I don't know why it is that when a man has two first names for a name it seems really smug and asinine and/or gay porn-star-ish, but when a woman does it it's just plain fabulous? I don't know. Anyway - Susan Sharon has always been my personal favourite S&TC bit part!!!
ODDS OF RETURN: 2-1. I'm willing it so. Using "The Secret". It will happen.


--- Aj