Thursday, August 30, 2007



I've spent more time than I'd like to admit trying to write a blog of Myths vs. Facts about the Bermuda Triangle.

I'm less-pleased to admit this than the number of Carrie Underwood songs I've got on my iPod at present: "Some Hearts", "Jesus, Take The Wheel", "Wasted", "Before He Cheats" and the Idol Gives Back charity single, "I'll Stand By You". An exponentially higher amount of Underwood than any one human should want or need.

I know, I know - BERMUDA TRIANGLE? "Why Andrew, I had NO idea you had such an agog interest in nautical paranormality!"

Well guess what, motherfucker? I do.

This past Sunday, a day that I play nursemaid to my hangover and watch whatever the fuck is on my television, I found myself settled on the Space Network watching an expose on the Bermuda Triangle. And what an expose!

The Bermuda triangle, of course, is the waterway betwixt Miami, Florida, the mid-Atlantic isle of Bermuda and land o' plenty, San Juan, Peurto Rico, where many a ships 'n planes have gone missing without a trace.

This expose went on to explore countless theories of explanation... ranging from abnormally high methane levels localized within the triangle that cause the weather go haywire to a hypothesis that it's an underwater Area 51 and that the US government is responsible for the paranormalities to the perfectly zany theory that the ocean floor beneath the triangle is the final resting place of the lost city of Atlantis and it's all haunted and shit...

Discussed in this particular expose was a fairly recent study done by some German dude whose name escapes me in which he tracked electro-magnetic anomalies in the triangle and found a ridiculously high amount that shift constantly. Then a barrage of physisists came on saying that the only explanation for them would be cosmic 'wormholes' in the time/space continuum! So mini black holes, basically.

Which means that all the missing barges, yachts, jetskis, planes etc got sucked into a mini, mobile black hole! And into - *GASP* - THE FOURTH DIMENSION!

Anyway. I kinda thought that was interesting. Yet have absolutely no scientific footnotes to reference, so really... this was pointless. Onto more substantial things...


1.) Shia LaBeouf & Rihanna
The Sun is reporting that slightly post-pubescent superstud Shia LaBeouf (of course Shia's last name loosely translated: The Beef) and R&B tart-of-the-moment Rihanna are an item!

I can't tell you how badly the young Hollywood landscape needs an interracial power-couple right now. Very.

Well, it's certainly a niche that could stand to be filled, anyway.

2.) Zac Efron & Nikki Blonsky

I can't tell you how much I wish this was true.

If this delicious item is to be believed, these Hairspray co-stars brought their respective characters' unlikely romance right off the big screen and into reality!

My inner-fat chick is squealing with joy about this.

If true, score for Blonsky. He's the man of the moment. If true, good on Efron - it would really make weigh down the smarminess I find so repulsive about him with some depth. Even if she is just his beard.

3.) Bea Arthur & Peter O'Toole

Shit. Now THIS one is a hot ticket.

Not really.

They're not together.

I can dream, though. Seeing who could outdrink the other would be epic. I'd love to see that.

Although the sex would be disgusting, I think we should all count our lucky stars that these two are still with us.

Someone I think we could all do without, however...

Jordin Sparks.

She sucks.

Need proof?

Her new single, "Tattoo", has been released and oooh howdy it's a stinker.

To say that this song is like a poor man's version of Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" would be the understatement of the year.

I'd describe it as such:

If both songs were made from a pig, "Irreplaceable" would be back bacon from the lucious ass, whereas "Tattoo" would be a hot dog made from the snout and entrails.


Listen/Download it HERE.

Like a tattoo,

--- Aj