Wednesday, September 05, 2007

That Teenage Shenanigans Blog

D'afternoon, muggles...

My head is positively spinning at the fact that I haven't been able to blog in two-count 'em-two days... and you know who's to blame for that? Squarely - Eve.

Yes, rapper Eve of "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" featuring Gwen Stefani fame. And her utterly craptacular video for "Tambourine" that's part of an episode of Video On Trial that I'm shooting tomorrow... I've watched it like 80 times and have about 3 things to say about it. But they're real hum-dingers, let me tell ya.

So anyway I was kinda freaking out about that last night and my planned blog fell by the wayside...

SO much has happened since last I blogged: The View made it's 11th season premiere with new co-host and moderator Whoopi Goldberg... Jerry Lewis called one of his production assistants an "illiterate faggot" live on his telethon (is anyone constantly amazed that this man is still alive?)... Whoopi Goldberg defended Michael Vick and his penchant for dog fighting on The View... Closeted gay senator and purveyor of bathroom shinanigans Larry Craig is set to resign amongst controversy from his recent arrest... Barbara Walters announced that a new co-host will be announced this coming Monday on The View... ... ... more stuff happened on The View...

But what I've REALLY been wanting to talk about is a trend that's sweeping the nation called "Fire In The Hole"...

Alright. I have no idea where this originated - although I'm going to bet it was in a city the size and cultural profile of my hometown, Brockville, Ontario - but I find it both so fucking entertaining and so fucking wrong I can't even tell you.

"Fire In The Hole" involves mangy suburban, teenage males with youthful exuberance to burn driving up to a drive-thru at a fast food restaurant, getting food and the most jumbo-sized drink possible, then yelling "FIRE IN THE HOLE" and throwing it in the drive-thru attendants face... and, of course, this is all caught on tape and put online:


If you just laughed at that you'll be joining me in hell. It looks like it'll be a pretty gregarious group down there, at least.

Wow - that's just insane. It's so much more devious and high-tech than the pranks we would play in high school... the jackassery I was involved in was ridiculously harmless and very inside-joke-ish...

I think the worst thing we got up to was making collect calls. For real. Hours would be spent doing this on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons.

Here's how it worked: we'd go to a group of pay phones - usually a kiosk at the majestic Thousand Islands Mall as they couldn't trace it - dial zero plus the number - usually in Nanaimo, British Columbia as we randomly knew that exchange for some reason - and the games begun. You were greeted by an automated message saying "thank you for using Bell Canada collect. At the tone please record your name..." and then you had 3 seconds to say something... then it'd say "thank you, your call is being connected..." - THEN THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED - the person would pick up, be greeted by this automated message saying "Hello, this is Bell Canada. You have a collect call from... [insert whatever bizarro name we used, usually said humorously]... if you wish to accept the charges, please press 1... etc..." -

Now... why is this amazing? Because you could hear the person on the other end flailing around being like "Becky? Who's Becky? George, do we know a Becky?" BUT THEY COULDN'T HEAR YOU!!! Yep... it was like being on the favorable side of a two-way mirror!

It was amazing. And you'd be astounded how many people accepted the charges - only to find us hanging up or general crank call fare... a-la "Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it" etc etc etc... anyway - FUN!

Another one of my favourite shinanigans to get up to was a game called "Pretend grocery shopping". It was precisely that: we'd go into a grocery store and fill an entire cart until it was brimming with the most random groceries, then blatantly ditch it. I remember this one time we piled a cart full with only these exotic, hairy bananas, Count Chocula and Spam.

Oh to be a mangy, teenstache sporting delinquent again. Those were heady days.

The headiest.

In other news,

An adorable little gal from Newfoundland named Amelia started a my official facebook fanclub. [read: I had nothing to do with this!]

Initially, I was mortified. But I've now grown to accept, embrace and celebrate it... if you want to join it - and I can't imagine why you wouldn't - go HERE:

Happy September,

--- Aj