Monday, August 13, 2007

That Whitney Houston belated B-day Blog

Good morning, Baltimore...

So, riddle me this. Were you or anyone you know born yestermorrow, August 9th? Because if so, you were born on a most heavenly day. For shit serious, it don't get holier than August 9th to be born, y'all. Whhhy?

Because yesterday marked the 44th birthday of one Miss Whitney Elizabeth Houston, is why.

It's perhaps more commen knowledge than 2 x 2 equalling 4 that I am about the biggest Whitney Houston fan in the known multiverse. And, in rousing, appropriate celebration, I now present, in no particular order, my favourite Whitney Houston moments EVEREVER.

Kicking things off with a bang...

10.) The Infamous Diane Sawyer Interview, 2003

What can be said that hasn't already been said about this long-awaited tell-all sitdown with Primetime Live's Diane Sawyer. I'll never forget it. I remember it was December of my third year in University and I had some assfucking essay on feminist theatre or some shit that was SEVERELY overdue and I told myself that I'd only watch the first segment then get to it. Yeah, I watched the whole thing. Then rewound it, watched it again. Then again. Suffice to say, the paper didna get done that night.

Priceless. In this, she fesses up to drug abuse, keeps veering in and out of frame, snapping at the camera randomly, sweats like a demon and gives birth to the now-immortal soundbyte, "crack is whack". I've decided to include all parts... warning... watching 1 will result in watching all...

Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Part 4:
Part 5:

9.) Whitney's TV Debut on the Merv Griffin Show, 1985

Before the smack, crack and Bobby B - under the tutelage of svengali Clive Davis, Whitney made her debut singing "Home" from The Wiz on the [late] Merv Griffin Show. Look up 'angelic' in the dictionary. You'll find this link:

8.) Whitney does Israel

Cracked out of her everlovin' skull, Whitney and Bobby made a pilgrimage to Israel where they met with black Muslims, a hysterical Whitney was baptized and she gave birth to yet another immortal soundbyte, "My land! MY LAND!". Amazing: watch the video here. (You need RealPlayer).

7.) An emaciated Whitney shocks everyone at a tribute to Michael Jackson.

Whitney proved to be the extra-lite icing on the already freakshow-y cake that was the Michael Jackson tribute of '03. If there was ever an instance that people feared for her life, t'was then. Vogue editrix Anna Wintour had a different take on it, though: "Lookin' good". Shock. Awe. Here:

6.) Whitney in the video for "How Will I Know"

This song bears the distinction of being the song I've listened to the most in my life. I swear. I could sing this song in my sleep and probably have dozens of times. This video, whose theme seems to be gay mimes in a fingerpainted maze, is 80's haute-camp. Inset right is the cover to the single. What's so desperately sad about this is that if Whitney was to wear that ensemble now and go strutting on Queen West, she'd probably make Vice Magazine's "Do's". Am I right? I'm right. Best song ever:

PALETTE CLEANSER: Maya Rudolph as Whitney

Hell-to-the-hell-to-the-HELL-the-YES! Sorry, MAD TV fans. Maya wins the Whitney impression award hands down. This betta not be you Bobby B:

5.) Whitney sings the National Anthem at the Superbowl.

With tension running high at the height of the gulf war, Whitney made it perfectly clear what the boys were fightin' for. Sweaty perfection:

4.) Drunken Frenchman Serge Gainsbourg tells Whitney he 'wants to fuck her' on a French late night talk show.

Pretty funny shit:

3.) Whitney vs. Mariah at the '99 Oscars. Whitney wins.

As you can imagine, when it was announced that Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey were to be joining forces in a power-ballad duet, it was kind of the biggest shit deal EVER for me. The only thing that could have made the spring of '99 more of a huge shit deal would be if Madonna and Janet Jackson staged some sort of telethon dance-off. Irregardless, both divas showed up and showed out at the '99 Oscars singing the ballad, "When You Believe", that easily won the Oscar for best song later that night. In this clip, Whitney shows that you simply don't fuck with her on stage and makes Mariah look like a contest winner who won the opportunity to be on stage with Whitney. Simply put: marvelous: here:

2.) Whitney sings the shit out of "I Will Always Love You", Grammys, 1993

Here's m'story about this: One lazy Saturday afternoon whilst I was back in high school, I was watching the VH1 and they were airing a Grammys greatest moments special. As I'm prone to do whilst horizontal, on a couch, in front of the TV, I dozed off. Only to awaken to the thunderous modulation of Whitney hitting the "AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" and I've never been the same. Bitch done lays it out:






1.) Whitney rebutting to a political discussion on "Being Bobby Brown".

Lord have mercy. It's a damned, crying shame that we didn't get "Being Bobby Brown" up here in Canada, and all I could do was get various snippits on youtube. Anyway - as with their real lives, Whitney and her unusual antics proved the star of the show. This woman is a soundbyte machine and, with the exception of "Hell To The No" and maybe "dootie bubble", her shining moment came in a rebuttal to Bobby during a heated political discussion. I give you Whitney at her crack-whory best:

And that's that.

One more thing - sort of a world semi-exclusive - I met this smokin' hot dancer by the name of Deonte a few weeks back who hails from HotLanta, Georgia. He's a choreographer who was up here judging a cheerleading competition or something and said that his friend was working on Whitney's COMEBACK TOUR!!!!!! SHE'S TOURING SOON, Y'ALL!!! I always thought the ship had sailed re: seeing Whitney live. So I'm just ecstatic about that.

In other news:


Getcha tickets now!!! Call 416-975.8555 - once again, the facebook invite is at

It's gonna be the hottest shit ever! And you never know who's gonna show up...

That's it.

Saving all my love for you,
--- Aj