Friday, March 14, 2008


That one reached so far, I think m'arm exited its socket.

Happy Friday to you!

So, yesterday, I went to go and shoot a Video On Trial and 10:30 AM. Yes, AM. Holy fuck. I got up at 8:30 and was like "oh no... this isn't going to happen... I'm going to have the fucking energy level of Charlie Rose..." But after about 8 cups of tea and my daily dose of the previous day's "The View" piping out of my VCR, I managed to shake the blahs and was my reasonably energetic self.

Whilst hobbling out to my street to attempt to catch a cab, the greatest thing in the world happened to me: I bailed. Wiped out. Head over tea kettle. Yep. And just started swearing incessantly. And old man who was near me at the time asked me if I "tripped on the fire plug" or something and I was just in no mood... I barked "What the fuck are you talking about bitch! I don't got time fo' dis!" and flagged a cab.

So it's official - the world is trying to kill me. Like Dominic "Charlie" Monahan on Lost. Speaking of which - did anyone watch that last night? Holy balls. If you didn't, you missed perhaps the greatest bitchslap in the history of bitchslaps - what happened was a Sun and Jin (the Korean hotties) decide they're going to relocate to another camp, but Juliet (played to perfection by Elizabeth Mitchell... whom it's been long established that I fuckinglove) will have none of it - so to prevent them from going, Juliet blurts out that Sun had an affair before they got on the island...

Well, Sun struts over the Juliet - and because usually, this chick is just about as docile as a lapdog no one sees it coming by a mile - and just fucking BITCH SLAPS Juliet half way around the world. It was all I could do to cheer. It was amazing...

I wish I could find a clip, but I couldn't. DAMMIT!


In other news: David "Stripper who performed for a mostly male audience" Hernandez was given the boot on Wednesday, and I couldn't be more pleased. Also, I can't help but think it's 90% because I posted a picture of him with his pubes hangin' out. Yes.

I've read a few exit interviews with him since his ouster and he's very serious. He's very much someone who subscribes to this "God has other plans for me" rhetoric. Yeah, She/He does. She plans for you to go back to twirling your great big, skanky, uncut Hispanic sausage around for creepy older gay gentlemen for dolla bills. Maybe while you sing "Papa Was A Rolling Stone".

Seriously, the most that's going to happen for this guy is that maybemaybemaybe he'll score a part in a regional production of The Full Monty: The Musical or something. I'm so sick of hearing these fucking eliminees speak of having lofty dreams and say "this is just the beginning". NO. IT'S NOT. HISTORICALLY, IT'S REALLY, REALLY NOT. You really need to win at this phase of the Idol machine if you want to be successful, and even then it's not a guarantee.

Then they sight Jennifer Hudson, who finished a disappointing seventh place, then some years later scored the role of a lifetime, won an Oscar for it and now has a career as a bona fide film star.


To counter that argument, I'm going to sight Charles Grigsby, Julia DeMato, Rickey Smith, Trenyce, Leah LaBelle, Jon Peter Lewis, Lindsay Cardinale, Niko Smith, Vonzell Solomon, Melissa McGhee, Ace Young, Chris Richardson, Phil Stacey, Scott Savol, Stephanie Edwards and a positively MIND-BLOWING slew of other people who went absolutely no where after their stint on Idol. Not. Going. To. Happen.

Anyballs... I don't have too terribly much more to say today.

I haven't even posted a picture.


Okay... here's one... it's everyone in the world's role model - Phoebe Price (who? Exactly. All she does is go to red carpet things... she doesn't do anything beyond that - with her sister... I mean, a pig...

I'm going to go and will my bones to heal faster.

--- Aj