Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Memo to:

I don't have terribly too much time today, so let's just get right fucking down to it...

Subject: You done lost custody of yo kids, bitch.
Body: Bright side: You'll have a lot more time to party and drive around with an invalid license.

Hmmm. I didn't think push would actually come to shove, but it did. Wow. She lost custody of her kids, y'all. And hardly kept a low profile because of it - going tanning, checking into a hotel and going to the DMV. There's a fine line between "O-Bla-Di, O-Bla-Da, life goes oooo-ON!" and utter, utter shamelessness, Brit-Brit. Guess which side you're on.

Memo to
Subject: Your appearance at a random Unicef function
Body: Kudos to you for leaving your house at your present weight, with your present hair configuration and general visual presentation. Not something I would do, but different strokes for different folks.

Maybe he's just on his gay period and retaining water. Maybe.

Anyballs, tragic follow-up to this picture. Just mere hours after this shot was snapped, an aggressive easterly wind took hold of Clay Aiken and two other blimps resulting in a three-way collision in the heart of downtown Pittsburgh. The death toll is estimated at 3,000,000 and counting. Oh, the humanity!

For serious, if Clay Aiken had trouble getting barebacked by dishourably discharged soldiers-turned-gay escorts before... I'm guessing that their hourly rates are going to skyrocket now.

Subject: STOP BEING SO SEXY!!!!!!

For real! How is it possible for a baby to be that stunningly gorgeous? I showed my boss that picture today and she was like, "yeah, my babies were never that cute." Mothers will actually conceit that they're kids are visually subpar against Shiloh-Novel - THAT'S how attractive that fucking baby is. Nuts.

What's more adorable? The fact that her parents have enough money and power to buy her all 13 known moons of Neptune if she so desired, but that little cherub's toy of choice is A ROLL OF SCOTCH TAPE! Amazing.

Even more? Can someone please explain those lips to me? They're absolutely out of control. If this kid doesn't get into show business, the world will suffer a great disservice. I can already tell ya what this kid's first gig would be - she could easily fill in as the mouth for the Rocky Horror Picture Show logo if/when it's remade.


Nuit Blanche recap action tomorrow. For real.

--- Aj