Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Haute Topics: *sigh*...

Alright...

Of course I have to say something about this shit...

Just when I thought we could ride out the rest of the year Spears-related-incident-free, bitch has to up and do THIS...

Yes. Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's younger sister/pint-sized doppelganger, is pregnant. At 16 years old. From her 19-year-old boyfriend. Who's she's been dating since she was 13. And I've got to assume fucking since then, too. Ahhh to be a sexy teen again... those were heady days... Literally and figuratively... but I digress.

So I finally know which side I'm on regarding that whole "should we sterilize the poor" debate. Hint: it's not 'against'.

It was announced by Jamie Lynn and her mother, Lynne - who had a how-to book about, of all things, PARENTING coming out soon that's now been mysteriously shelved - to OK! magazine... supposedly out of courtesy and appreciation for how reasonably small of a deal they made out of that whole Britney cleaning-up-dog-shit-with-a-Cavalli, peeing-with-the-door-open photo shoot thing that happened earlier this year...

Speaking of Britney - apparently no one in her family was paying any mind to her 2001 hit "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know", because apparently Britney was, in fact, the last to know. Bitch had to hear from the paparazzi during one of her many hotel visits. NUTS!

Also - apparently Lynne and Jamie Lynn were spotted in New York taking in a screening of "Juno"... that movie about teenage pregnancy that's being hailed as this year's "Little Miss Sunshine"... is that supposed to be parental guidance? Are you going to make her watch reruns of Degrassi so she can follow Spike's example after that? Is this the sort of info that we'd find in her parenting book - "How To Raise Your Children To Be Whores"?

Sheesh.

Can you imagine being that dude right now? A.) You're being accused of statuatory rape on a national platform, B.) You'ze the baby-daddy to a Spears, a winner's circle of already formidable company. It's times like this that I count my absolute lucky stars that I'm as gay as the day is long and don't need to worry about pregnancy...

But for real. The United States has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the world, yet American teens ain't bugalooing any mo' than teens anywhere else. It's just amazing to me how far the evangelical population will go and how important it is that they maintain that they are as white as a fresh snow when in truth they ain't nothin' but a pile of year-old cum rags. Boo-urns.

Anyballs... on the upside, all this hoopla over Jamie Lynn's has really taken attention away from Lily Allen's recently announced pregnancy and how severely unfit she is for motherhood...

Do it in the ass next time...

Countdowns resume tomorrow!!!

--- Aj