Thursday, October 04, 2007

Nuit Blance, Jour Noir


Might I be able to post this fucking blog recapping Nuit Blanche today? Might I? Might?

Let's do it.

So following the mighty love-in that was the SNL Season Premiere, the group of us - each one now obsessed with Solid Gold and, as a result, jazz-running across every intersection - headed for the St. Clair West subway... the one in the mega-Lawblaws/the most convenient-thereby-greatest subway stop in the system. We was told that the subway would be open until somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 AM. Not at St. Clair West, though. Nope. That renders St. Clair W considerably less awesome in turn. Fuck.

Anyballs - so we jazz-run up the escalator (pictured is Yerxa, up to his usual hijinks. And yes. I retouched the hell out of it. You're welcome, Yerx), which then saw us jazz-run over to Bathurst and catch a fleet of cabs which we instruct to take us to Trinity Bellwoods park where, we're told, there is a gigantic chocolate stag being carved and its innards distributed for consumption. You: "What the fuck?" I know. I had no idea what the balls was going on m'self.

So we get there, amidst a sea of young-ish people walking around aimlessly and drinking in public. Yerxa made a very good point when he said that it reminded him of homecoming - at Queen's anyway. I don't know if it's like that for you with your respective Alma Matter's homecoming, but at Queen's, the Saturday of homecoming is like this super crowded, rowdy Mardi Gras (loosely translated: Fat Tuesday). It's so rowdy, that it made national news a few years ago and some dude on top of a tipped over car made the cover of MacLeans or some shit. ANYWAY - bottom line: that's what it seemed like.

Here's a picture of the nicest kids in town in front of one of many random art installations - clockwise from the top: Heidi, Yerx, Anth, Caswell, Gail and the nobly squatting Georgia. She's Sheanna's friend from Australia - replete with accent and all. Something Georgia's never heard before: "Oh hey Georgia! You were just on my mind! Get it?! Get it?! Like that song?! 'Georgia On My Mind'!? From Academy-Award winning bio-pic Ray?". She's heard it before.

Anyway - we perused the park as best we could in the pitch dark, and serendipitously enough stumbled upon a plumb-tuckered-out hobo slumbering underneath a tree. I think everyone got about 8 pictures of him. Sleeping next to him. Sleeping on him. Holding their bare ballsack over his face completely unbeknownst to him while he was in a deep, rubbing alcohol-induced sleep. Yeah. Nice. And yes, that really does look like an enormous, drying puke stain that his makeshift pillow is laying on. Faaaancy.

Nowhere to be found? Sheanna. Who, by the way, shared the most perplexing anecdote I've heard in a long, long time: you know how it's fairly common practice to find Thai strippers who shoot ping-pong balls and like out of their ass-ginas? [See: Priscilla Queen of the Desert.] Anywhoozits, she claims to have heard of a local celebrity back in Australia who could do those bitches one better... this bitch, and I don't know how the fuck she does it, but this bitch can PEEL A BANANA WITH HER VAGINA.

If anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can find any information about this woman, please notify me IMMEDIATELY. I need to know how this is done. I just can't imagine it for the life of me. I've been Googe-ling it all morning and have nothing except for some erotic fiction. Come on!!!

Pressing on: eventually Sheanna reunited with the pack, and we made our way over to the evening's main attraction... the chocolate stag. It was just beyond me how a chocolate sculpture of a deer that was unceremoniously decapitated was such an attraction. It was nuts. Not the chocolate - I'm pretty sure it was nut-free. But the crowd - it was slightly out of control. It seemed like a distraction for something shady.

It reminded me of that Simpsons' episode where Marge starts the pretzel wagon, and to drum up publicity for it, they stage a fake parade to "Welcome back Space-Girl"... and Space Girl is just Lisa wearing some aluminum foil atop her head, sitting in a convertible. It really rang home the idea of "if you build it, they will come". I just didn't get it. Ahhh well...
We sifted through some of the tents... nothing remotely exciting... a lot of Scotiabank tents that no one was going near... I guess they thought they could bait a bunch of dirt-poor artist-type 20-somethings interested in mutual funds at 2:30 AM... well they thought wrong. I honestly think the most exciting thing in the 'fairground' was one of those things y'stick y'heads in... I'm sure there's a proper name for it, but who's got the time to find out what they're called...

The real fun of the evening actually happened as soon as we got to the end of the path feeling entirely anticlimactic. For reasons known only to myself, I suggested the group sing the theme song to the show "Cheers", because, I don't know, it's awesome. So we did. What then occurred was nothing short of phenomenology...

People started flocking over to our small circle like rats to the Pied Piper. What ensued was an enormous group singalong of what had to have been dozens of TV Show themes... "The Nanny", "Full House", "Golden Girls", you name it... it was quite surreal. Talk about youthful exuberance... anyway... that's pretty much it... pretty much...

It really didn't turn out to be that eventful of a blog after all. Whatevs.

In other news, I FINALLY got my assfucking ticket to LA yesterday. I leave Sunday night which means that I can still get comfortably blitzed the Saturday before Hallowe'en, which I'm ecstatic about. I'm still slightly undecided about what the be, though. It all depends if I can grow my hair out in time...

Speaking of L.A. - the website is updated - go HERE to check it out. Quite a smorgasbord... and TONNES of Canadians as well. Deb DiGiovanni, Alex Nussbaum, Rebecca's Addelman and Kohler, Mark Bennett, Sandra Battaglini, Jay Malone, the list goes on. Well actually it doesn't. That's pretty much it - but it's quite a list!

There are a tonne of Last Comic Standing people on the bill - the frighteningly hot red-headed chick from Season 4 is on my night! A lot of these people have actually done shit... like any given person has a recurring role on "Entourage" or has recorded a live DVD alongside Paula Poundstone or something... hand's down my favourite comedian is a sassy black number by the name of Cocoa Brown. For the simple fact that when we had to put down what it is we do, and if you're a standup you'd just put "Standup" or "Stand-Up Comedian", SHE puts "Stand-up (but I don't tell jokes, I tell the TRUTH)". Oh Jesus. Why am I not on a show with her. Dammit!

Anyway... s'it for today.

--- Aj