Thursday, September 27, 2007

That Leaked Boudoir Pics of Celebrities Blog


I think this marks Day 5 or some shit of these Shaw auditions. Today, so I'm told, is the day that they see all the non-union swill that was lucky enough to make the cut. So it's a lot of fresh theatre school grads/kids who are still in theatre school who are nervous as all get-out and, so I'm told, have little to no control of their bowels. So I'm told, they zip into the bathroom before they're slated to audition and evacuate their bowels hastier than New Orleans a half-day before Katrina touched down. BADDA-ZING!

So I'm told.

What's been extra-special about today is that a slew of people I know from Queen's are in today, most importantly of all, the divine Robin Willis, pictured to the left, to the left... So talented I can't stand it, I pulled her into my cell/office and had a chat that was both hearty and heady. She's currently based in New York and is taking the shit by storm - because she got dual ci'izenship... lucky... and it's because her father was a draft dodger back in the bad old days. Talk about the fucking best of both worlds... wow...

Another silver lining to the scene out of the movie "Fame" that is today is, of course, early 20-something musical theatre fags are pretty much my bread, butter and marmolade so I've been making eyes at them all day entirely unsure about what I'm hoping to accomplish by doing so. Like, do I think I'm going to have some shenanigoats with one whilst held up in my mental hospital cell-of-a-workplace? It would certainly liven things up around here, that's for sure. I'm actually considering bringing in a Sudoku puzzle tomorrow. Considering.

I'm totally making eyes with one right now - THIS VERY SECOND - as I type this. He's warming up. Like stretching... getting limber... I'll bet he is. Yeah, this is totally gonna happen. Ohhhh there he goes... well, we'll see.

Did you enjoy that real-time blogging? Should I do it more? Mayhaps.

K... a haute topic of sorts...

For the life of me, I cannot fathom what drives people to take private pictures of themselves in compromising situations in the first place. Naturally, don't get me started on people who take said photos of themselves then share it with others, particularly in a digital format. Finally, don't even get me started on those people who do this that are celebrities. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED.

The phenomenon arguably began with Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy fame when his T-Mobile was hacked and private picks he took of his schlong were leaked for all the world to see. And see them all the world did - he became a household name and poster boy for candid self-photography gone awry.

Since then, countless celebrities have fallen victim to leaked personal photos that have been taken with a mobile device... which is presumably the only reason that mobile devices are equipped with camera or video... to send pornish shit back and forth and hope for the best... I remember I got sent something once by this dude I met... like the night of... I got a video from him - for that pocket of you who know my dating history, you'll have heard him referred to as "Pier 1" for reasons that are pretty straightforward - but it was during the days that I was sporting that little LG number that I'm quaintly sure was the first flip phone ever invented - with green screen to boot! - so I couldn't see it. Still... anyway...

Why do people do this? I assume it's rooted in exhibitionism... I also assume that committing one's self to digital image is also subconsciously intended not for posterity but indeed so it'll be shared/leaked. Like, does anyone actually think it'll be kept sacrosanct by the receiver? I'm talkin' to YOU, generously buttocked Fantasia Barrino (pictured in hacked cell phone photos, to the left, to the left)...

Anyballs, two particularly high-profile leaked personal photo scandals that have caused quite a controversy of late are those of teen queen Vanessa-Anne Hudgens and boxing luminary Oscar De La Hoya...

Hudgens is, for those of you with lives/who don't know, one of the stars of Disney's breakout smash hit "High School Musical" and long-time g-fry of "It"-boy du jour, Zac Efron. Nude photos were leaked of of someone reported to be her, but not really resembling her. I didn't think they were real - I thought they were just some wonky faced skank with an obscenely full bush that looked nothing like her. And it wasn't just me who shared this perspective... every gossip blog, infotainment program and celebrity weekly also held down a fair share of skepticism about the legitimacy of the photos as well... and then in a stroke of sheer genius, Hudgens' camp CONFIRMED that the photos were indeed real and expressed her chagrin that they were released - which, really, was just their way of saying "we're sorry that her bush was so unkempt when they were released" 'cuz shit, it was indeed a pizza slice of a pubis. [Sidebar: Whose parents let their teenage daughter own lingerie like that? Do you wanna just sell her into white slavery in Bolivia now or later?]

Anyway... SCANDAL!!! Apparently she was only 17 when these pictures - allegedly taken for then-boyfriend and associate teen sensation Drake Bell - were taken, which makes them illegal... well, barely illegal if you choose to see the glass as half-full.

Some people seem to think that she leaked them herself in an effort to emancipate herself from the cover of "Bop" and teen queen vehicles onto the cover of "Maxim" and into the ever-seductive young Hollywood scene. I refuse to believe that because again, holy balls, her bush is ROBUST. I'm entirely serious people - that pizza slice is BARELY covering it.

On the flip side: Oscar De La Hoya. Photos reportedly showing De La Hoya in a fishnet onezie and other trannylicious ecoutrements surfaced recently - which are, I'm sorry, TOTALLY of him - and his camp issued a statement saying that they were 'convincing fakes'. (Click HERE for a larger version).

BULL. SHIT. As someone acquainted with photoshop, I'd love to see the exhaustive forensic reports proving their fraudulence. The pictures were allegedly taken by an exotic dancer ladyfriend of his (read: 2-cent whore), who explained to Access Hollywood that they were stolen from her by someone with malicious intent to exploit De La Hoya.

My personal favourite is the one with him in the boxing gloves. It's like he put those on to make sure that there would be absolutely no mistaking that it was him. It'd be like Vanessa Hudgens shaving "High School Musical" into the rain forest that is her bush. And believe me, she may well could have.

So ya got a full bush and you wanna show it off to your teenage bf? So ya like to wear stripper's clothes and boxing gloves? Gabba gabba hey, live ya life - that's what I say... but WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO TAKE THESE PICTURES OF THEMSELVES?! It's just beyond me.

Anyballs... before I go for the weekend I thought I'd throw one more onto the pile for you... not to be outdone, here's viral video sensation and emo Britney super-fan Chris Crocker whipping out his vagina for the world to see...

If you're brave/into shemales go here for the NSFW version...

I hope you're weekend is a fucking zen pleasure.

Smell ya later,

--- Aj

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