Happy Bit Me In The Vagina

Oh.

Yes.

Please - watch this:

In it's entirety. For serious.

I'm so serious, that I'll post it AGAIN:

Yeah. Thank the lord Oprah that youtube exists. It was one of my life's goals to watch a desperate middle-aged Chola cry over her demonic dog attacking a businessman - and then try and reconcile the situation by explaining that the dog has bit her in the vagina countless times. SO IT'S ALL COOL, SEE?!

Points to ponder:

- She has to very explicitly say vagina. Not crotch, not groin, not nether regions but VAGINA. (*In her defence, a little research has unearthed that the Spanish word for vagina is, in fact, vagina. So any argument that she also could have pronounced the word in her mother tongue is moot. MOOT!)

- This dog has quite a penchant for gnawing on genitals... first her 'bagina', then her baby labrador's "penith". WTF?

- The animal trainer sniffs that the dog's behavior reflects the woman's. Which means that bitch must give some toothier-than-thou blow jobs. Shoooot.

And finally,

- The name of this genital-chomping dog? HAPPY.

Jees Louise. So I'm kind of torn as to whether or not I should bother 'reviewing' the first performance episode of American Idol's 7th season that premiered last night. BO - RING. Talk about some bland company.

Mayhaps it's not their fault. For the first time EVER, they were given a theme for the semi-finals - rounds typically reserved for contestants to carve out their respective niches by picking any songs they so damn want. But NO. Last night was 60's theme. Boo-Urns. It was just more of the same. Depending on how the girls do tonight, I'd wager that a last minute decision will be made to scrap this plan all together until the Top 12.

Baaanyway. I'll do a brief rundown of the shit tomorrow when I recap the girls. I can't see it taking too long.

I'm doing a showcase at Yuk's tonight. It's the Toronto preliminaries for the Great Canadian Laugh-Off... something that I actually won in its innagural year. The only thing I've ever won, actually. It was a grand feeling. Thought it would never end. Guess what - IT DID!!! Hahaha. So yeah, that's tonight. Come if you want, it should be fun.

More fun?

YEP!!! LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AWAY!!! IT'S GONNA BE HUUUGE!!!

So yeah.

That's gonna be it today.

I'll leave you with this:

--- Aj