Okay... let's get down to bidness...
1.) BRITNEY SPEARS ABANDONS CHILDREN IN CAR IN FAVOUR OF CHANDELIERS
Yes. You really did read that right. On one of her increasingly few days of visitation with her children, Sean Preston & Jayden James, bitch left them in the car to SHOP FOR A NEW CHANDELIER.
It's certainly the most glamorous tale of child abandonment I e'er heard, I'll give her that much.
She really had no time to do this outside of the hour and half or something she's granted with her children per week? Really? REALLY.
Was a walkway in her Malibu estate inadequately lit and was she going to face a fine if she didn't remedy the situation, but instead of just getting a motion detector light she had to do it Britney-stylez and get an assfucking CHANDELIER?! Because that's the only excuse I could remotely digest.
I guess on the upside, she saved her visit to the marble column, ivory piano, killer whale caviar and French Revolution-era chaises lounge stores until after the kids was back wit' K-Fed.
Speaking of babies...
2.) NANCY GRACE GIVES BIRTH TO PREMATURE TWINS
CNN's resident blowhard ballbuster Nancy Grace finally popped o'er the weekend, and gave birth to twins whose names escape me at present TWO MONTHS PREMATURE. I think the second born girl weighed in at something like 2 lbs or some shit. Which means that I've easily eaten Nancy Grace's 2nd born daughter's weight in Reese's Pieces before... on more than one occasion.
In her official press release, she proclaimed them as "two little crime fighters". Which is just SO tempting fate. Bitch, you know theyz gonna grow up to be the most fucked-up, anything-BUT-law abiding citizens ever. It really is Murphy's Law/karma for you falsely accusing people of things with hyperbole that makes a Chinese New Year's fireworks display seem under-the-top by comparison.
One the plus side, since they were born premature, they'll probably never have to worry about being fat. That daughter that clocked in a 2 lbs. could probably model in her teenage years. Hopefully she doesn't inherit Mommy's hair though. I'll bet that shit was ingrained into their genes. They'll both have Nancy Grace-hair...
3.) ROSIE O'DONNELL IS COMING BACK TO TALK-TV!!! NO, SHE'S NOT.
Every news source in the world was reporting that Rosie O'Donnell was in heated talks to host her own political talk-fest on MSNBC that would go up in the Thursday, 9 PM time slot against CNN's Larry King Live (when is that bitch gonna die? Seriously! It's time.) and Fox News' Hannity & Colmes.
This would have basically been the greatest thing ever. My God I miss her. "The View" sucks my taint nowadays. Whoopi has some moments, like the other week when she got in Hasselbeck's face over abortion, but lately it seems like edge-less conversations about lady-parts amongst 40+ year-old curmudgeonettes at a breakfast nook and Barbara Walters thinking that people care about her life waaaaay more than anyone does/ever has. Like the Hallow e'en episode was all about her father's night club back in the 1940's. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!!! YOU'RE 109 YEARS OLD AN NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!!!
Meh.
Anyballs, Rosie O'Donnell is desperately needed back on TV in a political mouthpiece capacity - period. I live for it. And going to her blog isn't enough for me. It's far too "peering through a keyhole into a lesbian's craftroom". But I still go there every day...
... Which is where I found out, in the latest posting, that the deal FELL THROUGH. FUCK! I'm sure it's because she wanted some outrageous sum of money, as she always does. And do you know why she does? Well, that will be detailed when I review her book in the inaugural and perhaps lone edition of Andrew's Book Club later this week when I take a look at Rosie O'Donnell's "Celebrity Detox"!!!
Anyways... bottom line: that shits' not gonna happen. = (
4.) I'VE FINALLY DECIDED WHAT I WANT MY HAIR COLOUR CONFIGURATION TO BE WHEN I'M OF 'A CERTAIN AGE'
The Bonnie Raitt.
There's nothing that says tiger-in-the-sack YET wise-beyond-my-years like a thick mane of red with a tiny puff of grey.
Yep.
SIGN
1.) BRITNEY SPEARS ABANDONS CHILDREN IN CAR IN FAVOUR OF CHANDELIERS
Yes. You really did read that right. On one of her increasingly few days of visitation with her children, Sean Preston & Jayden James, bitch left them in the car to SHOP FOR A NEW CHANDELIER.It's certainly the most glamorous tale of child abandonment I e'er heard, I'll give her that much.
She really had no time to do this outside of the hour and half or something she's granted with her children per week? Really? REALLY.
Was a walkway in her Malibu estate inadequately lit and was she going to face a fine if she didn't remedy the situation, but instead of just getting a motion detector light she had to do it Britney-stylez and get an assfucking CHANDELIER?! Because that's the only excuse I could remotely digest.
I guess on the upside, she saved her visit to the marble column, ivory piano, killer whale caviar and French Revolution-era chaises lounge stores until after the kids was back wit' K-Fed.
Speaking of babies...
2.) NANCY GRACE GIVES BIRTH TO PREMATURE TWINS
CNN's resident blowhard ballbuster Nancy Grace finally popped o'er the weekend, and gave birth to twins whose names escape me at present TWO MONTHS PREMATURE. I think the second born girl weighed in at something like 2 lbs or some shit. Which means that I've easily eaten Nancy Grace's 2nd born daughter's weight in Reese's Pieces before... on more than one occasion.In her official press release, she proclaimed them as "two little crime fighters". Which is just SO tempting fate. Bitch, you know theyz gonna grow up to be the most fucked-up, anything-BUT-law abiding citizens ever. It really is Murphy's Law/karma for you falsely accusing people of things with hyperbole that makes a Chinese New Year's fireworks display seem under-the-top by comparison.
One the plus side, since they were born premature, they'll probably never have to worry about being fat. That daughter that clocked in a 2 lbs. could probably model in her teenage years. Hopefully she doesn't inherit Mommy's hair though. I'll bet that shit was ingrained into their genes. They'll both have Nancy Grace-hair...
3.) ROSIE O'DONNELL IS COMING BACK TO TALK-TV!!! NO, SHE'S NOT.
Every news source in the world was reporting that Rosie O'Donnell was in heated talks to host her own political talk-fest on MSNBC that would go up in the Thursday, 9 PM time slot against CNN's Larry King Live (when is that bitch gonna die? Seriously! It's time.) and Fox News' Hannity & Colmes.This would have basically been the greatest thing ever. My God I miss her. "The View" sucks my taint nowadays. Whoopi has some moments, like the other week when she got in Hasselbeck's face over abortion, but lately it seems like edge-less conversations about lady-parts amongst 40+ year-old curmudgeonettes at a breakfast nook and Barbara Walters thinking that people care about her life waaaaay more than anyone does/ever has. Like the Hallow e'en episode was all about her father's night club back in the 1940's. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!!! YOU'RE 109 YEARS OLD AN NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!!!
Meh.
Anyballs, Rosie O'Donnell is desperately needed back on TV in a political mouthpiece capacity - period. I live for it. And going to her blog isn't enough for me. It's far too "peering through a keyhole into a lesbian's craftroom". But I still go there every day...
... Which is where I found out, in the latest posting, that the deal FELL THROUGH. FUCK! I'm sure it's because she wanted some outrageous sum of money, as she always does. And do you know why she does? Well, that will be detailed when I review her book in the inaugural and perhaps lone edition of Andrew's Book Club later this week when I take a look at Rosie O'Donnell's "Celebrity Detox"!!!
Anyways... bottom line: that shits' not gonna happen. = (
4.) I'VE FINALLY DECIDED WHAT I WANT MY HAIR COLOUR CONFIGURATION TO BE WHEN I'M OF 'A CERTAIN AGE'
The Bonnie Raitt.There's nothing that says tiger-in-the-sack YET wise-beyond-my-years like a thick mane of red with a tiny puff of grey.
Yep.
SIGN
ME
UP.
I don't know why I included this. I saw an add in today's "24" for some CBC show "The Lion's Den" - which is like "The Next Great American Inventor" or whatever the fuck it is in the states - and the lone female on the panel was also sporting the Bonnie Raitt... red hair with a white poof... and I was all "how the fuck do ya get that? I want that." And thought I'd blog about it. Which brings us to where we are now. Cosmic.
5.) ON A SERIOUS NOTE...
I'd just like to send out condolences to the friends and family of Douglas Scott - a Mountie who was tragically shot and killed up in Nunavut recently.
In the latest of a string of violent acts against authorities via locals, he responded to a drunk driving call - some bitch tore his car into a house, y'all - and was brutally gunned down by the driver upon arriving at the crime.
Why is this of importance to me? Because he was from Brockville... and so am I... and there's a shared bond betwixt those who hail from the mighty BrockVegas.
I was watching Global news today at my gym and all of sudden it showed a correspondent reporting live from Brockville and I'm all "Y'ALL! I'M FROM BROCKVILLE! What the fuck?!" and they reported this story...
They were reporting live from his high school, which they deemed "the local high school in Brockville"... as if to imply that there was only one... WHICH THERE SO WAS NOT... they were reporting from Thousand Islands Secondary School, or, TISS (ribald trivia: it used to be called Thousand Islands Technical School, or, TITS. Yeah, they changed that), and there are in fact THREE high schools in Brockville. TISS, Brockville Collegiate Institute where yours truly went, and St. Mary's Catholic High School where no one except for sexual predators, shift supervisors at Wendy's and girls who sweep up hair at hair salon's that offer 23 dollar perms went.
Brockville's high school rivalries aside, alllll my love and prayers go out to the friends and family of Douglas Scott. He's got a facebook group if you're so inclined to join, which I was, SO DO IT!
Anyballs... that's it...
Tomorrow - week's of aggressive/annoying hocking of the next Bitch Salad begins! JOYOUSNESS.
--- Aj
I don't know why I included this. I saw an add in today's "24" for some CBC show "The Lion's Den" - which is like "The Next Great American Inventor" or whatever the fuck it is in the states - and the lone female on the panel was also sporting the Bonnie Raitt... red hair with a white poof... and I was all "how the fuck do ya get that? I want that." And thought I'd blog about it. Which brings us to where we are now. Cosmic.
5.) ON A SERIOUS NOTE...
I'd just like to send out condolences to the friends and family of Douglas Scott - a Mountie who was tragically shot and killed up in Nunavut recently.In the latest of a string of violent acts against authorities via locals, he responded to a drunk driving call - some bitch tore his car into a house, y'all - and was brutally gunned down by the driver upon arriving at the crime.
Why is this of importance to me? Because he was from Brockville... and so am I... and there's a shared bond betwixt those who hail from the mighty BrockVegas.
I was watching Global news today at my gym and all of sudden it showed a correspondent reporting live from Brockville and I'm all "Y'ALL! I'M FROM BROCKVILLE! What the fuck?!" and they reported this story...
They were reporting live from his high school, which they deemed "the local high school in Brockville"... as if to imply that there was only one... WHICH THERE SO WAS NOT... they were reporting from Thousand Islands Secondary School, or, TISS (ribald trivia: it used to be called Thousand Islands Technical School, or, TITS. Yeah, they changed that), and there are in fact THREE high schools in Brockville. TISS, Brockville Collegiate Institute where yours truly went, and St. Mary's Catholic High School where no one except for sexual predators, shift supervisors at Wendy's and girls who sweep up hair at hair salon's that offer 23 dollar perms went.
Brockville's high school rivalries aside, alllll my love and prayers go out to the friends and family of Douglas Scott. He's got a facebook group if you're so inclined to join, which I was, SO DO IT!
Anyballs... that's it...
Tomorrow - week's of aggressive/annoying hocking of the next Bitch Salad begins! JOYOUSNESS.
--- Aj
