Bitches Loved, Bitches Hated/That "Abortion Art" Blog

Happy day after 4/20...

4/20, of course, is widely regarded as a universal holiday to celebrate cannabis culture. For that reason, I expected yesterday, upon logging onto Google, to see the Google sign adorned with pot leaves etc, but no dice.

Okay... right into it...

BITCH(ES) I LOVED THIS WEEK

G.L.O.W. (THE GORGEOUS LADIES OF WRESTLING)

Who: That's right, I'm not about to even fucking pick just one... alright, for this, I'd like to whisk you back to a truly magical time in Western civilization - the very late 80's/very early 90's, when neon colours ruled and everything was "just a cinch". The brainchild of certified 'rumpologist' Jackie Stallone - indubitably the classiest woman ever to live - the G.L.O.W. was a character-oriented all-female wrestling league wildly popular on Pay-Per-View television... at least that's how I remember them... with personalities such as Tina Ferrari, Mount Fiji, Matilda The Hun and Palestina, each G.L.O.W. telecast featured spirited wrestling bouts, interstitial-esque sketches and of course, each characters signature introductory rap - as per gloriously evidenced above.

Yeah. Doesn't that just fucking blow your mind. I can tell you right now, I can remember watching this shit when I was like 8 or 9 years old on my parents satellite dish and thought it was porn... which is probably why I watched it... I think it was something to do with the skimpiness of their outfits and the fact that it was on Pay-Per-View... because only porn was on Pay-Per-View... anyballs... I remember those fucking raps - it was reminiscent-if-not-directly copied from The Chicago Bears' "Super Bowl Shuffle"... and I can distinctly remember, as an 8 or 9-year old boy, thinking it was just really hip and contemporary and it just made crystalline sense... Wow...

Why I Loved Them: Because HOLY FUCK that is amazing. I... I... I... just can't even believe it. I totally didn't appreciate that as a child, and that's heartbreaking.
Update: If it's at all possible, I'm more in love with the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling than before. Update #2: I think that rap borrows heavily from "The Message" by Grandmaster Flash... or was it Funkmaster Flex... whomever...
Update #3: My favourite G.L.O.W. is definitely Matilda The Hun...
Update #4: Methinks The Housewives were the early inspiration for Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph's characters on Bronx Beat...
Update #5: I'm considering having a G.L.O.W.-themed birthday party this year...
Update #6: I'm DEFINITELY having a G.L.O.W.-themed birthday party this year!!!

BITCH I HATED THIS WEEK

ALIZA SHVARTS

Who: (This is the long and short of it) Yale art student who's caused a firestorm of controversy over the past week when it was announced that her senior art project was going to consist of her giving herself a drawn-out, self-inflicted abortion assisted by supposed "herbal abortifacient" or some shit... the presentation of this art project - I guess you could call it large-scale installation performance art, if you were a douchebag that wanted to actually dignify this ludicrous howl for attention as an artform - would take the form of her showing video shot over the 9 month period (no pun intended) that she was pregnant, slowly but surely inducing this miscarriage, and painting blocks suspended from the ceiling with the blood of her miscarriage mixed with Vaseline.

Yale quickly issued a statement denying that she was actually pregnant and she was "just fuckin' with us". Shvarts, however, immediately rebuffed Yales' statement and claimed that she's "totes for realsies". (*Neither quotes are actually from Yale or Shvarts)

Why I Hated Her: Okay... hmmm... this is a ticker... here's my take on it...

In the great pro-life vs. pro-choice debate, I'm decidedly pro-choice... in that I'm for people choosing whate'er the fuck they want to do with their bodies, and once limitations are put on that, it's a slippery slope to having computer chips put in the back of our necks.

In the great free speech vs. censorship debate, I'm ardently free-speech... obviously I am, or else I'd kind of be burned at the stake in the village square by now... however, every once in a while you have yer KKK's or yer Fred Phelps' "God Hates Fags" army that really makes you rethink that shit. Aliza Shvarts is to the pro-choice cause what Fred Phelps is to the free-speech cause...

I see absolutely, positively nothing redeeming about what she's doing. I think it's monstrous and desperate. She's said that "the entire project is an art piece... designed to draw attention to the ambiguity surrounding form and function of a woman’s body".

Allow me to translate: "I'm a hair-brained suburban asshole so severely lacking in any actual identity, that I see it fit to make a name for myself in the most desperate, sensational way I possibly can".

Really... "form and function of a woman's body"? Yeah... that is absolutely not the point... and then what fucking KILLS me is her supporters/art hacks tack on the statement: "Well, at least she's inciting a dialogue".

I swear to FUCK if I hear that one more time I'm going to explode... People who use that phrase are shallow, similar mongoloids who thinks that's what they should say... I, personally, don't care about having a dialogue... I care about a fucking point... and this has none... the point is that she's some desperate, loser art chick who should have become the happiest abortion doctor in the world instead of wastin' my damn time.

Anyway... that's it...

I'm still totally pro-choice, btw. If you'ze pregnant and don't wanna be, by all means, go see ya neighba-hood Vera Drake, baby. Just don't do it for sport and you're still in m'good books.

I think that'll be it for me today...

--- Aj