Bitches Loved, Bitches Hated

Why hello,

If it isn't Monday. Already. Wow.

Anyballs - another Monday, another side-splittingly hilarious offering from Kristen Wiig to gush about from this past weekend's Saturday Night Live... this time, she portrays out-and-proud 50-year-old Jamie Lee Curtis in her recent stint as spokeswoman for Activia Yogurt a-k-a the Yogurt that helps ya crap. Absolute hilarity ensues:

My God I never get tired of watching that. I've seen it like 80 million times. I've been prefacing everything all day with "It's fine, it's fine, as a 19 or 20 year old, I would have been embarrassed... but now I'm not afraid to say I pooped m'pants, I'm growing older, I'm proud of it - LET'S ROLL!" LOVE it. Obsessed.

That said, I've never had Activia yogurt and can't see myself having it any time soon. I shant be rising to the Activia challenge, whatever that is. I assume it just involves crapping a lot. Gross.

Pressing on:

BITCH I LOVED THIS WEEK

JYOTI AMGE



Who: Indian teenager who, at just under 2 feet tall, stands as the world's smallest human being!!!!! She suffers from a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia, but she'd hardly call it suffering. She fancies herself the fiercest tranny mess this side of Delhi: "I am proud of being small. I love all the attention I get. I'm not scared of being small and I don't regret it." She attends normal high school but sits at a special tiny person desk, writes with tiny person instruments, eats with tiny person utensils and so on and so on and so on. Apparently she's a mini celebrity (pun dutifully intended) in her home town and is poised to be releasing an album later this year... well, fuck... if Meagan Taylor can do it, anyone can...
Why I Love Her: Because she is a tickity-tock teency tiny tranny who is not apologizing for it. And I eagerly, EAGERLY anticipate the release of her album.

BITCH I HATED THIS WEEK

THOMAS BEATIE

Who: Former beauty queen Tracy-turned-Thomas decided a few moons ago that sh/he wanted to live the dream and become a dude. BUT, call it a hunch, decided to keep hir reproductive organs just in case. As it turns out, Thomas' wife Nancy (whom I believe was not a tranny... like she's not Ned/Nancy... just Nancy) had a hysterectomy and couldn't produce children so la-di-da, Thomas bulked up on hormones and now the happy couple are expecting a bouncing baby girl in a matter of months.
Why I Hate Him/er: Rarely am I critic of people who play God, but this is a little OTT for me. Would it not strike you that with all the hormones swimming around in your body, there's a good chance that your baby will be born with throbbing Madonna arms and a radioactive glow to it? Yeah... beyond that, I've heard a movie is in the works. Let me give that one big "Ooooohhhh brother!". So help me Christ, if sh/he releases an album too, I'm done. DONE.

In other news:

TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW!!!!!

Holy shit I'm going to pass out.

Come!!!

--- Aj